Narcissus' fault was not loving himself: it was loving his reflection.

Contemplation leads to complication. Stay busy.

Hey. It's been a while. What's up? Here's what I'm thinking about right now.
I'm hanging on by a thread. On everything. I must be incredibly lucky. My classmates and teachers think I'm smart, right? But I'm...not. I'm just not. I'm just...really, really lucky; and one of these days they're all going to see right through me and realize I'm just like them. My friends seem to think I'm likeable, I think. Well, I'm not. And one of these days they're all going to realize that I'm a little bastard. My girlfriend seems to actually like me, but I can't see why; and one day she's going realize that I'm insecure and needy and a total dick.
It's like I'm just waiting for things to fall apart when I should be refurbishing. So that's what I have to do: refurbish. I need to start being smart. I need to start being likeable. I need to start being a good person.
And I can start that by not thinking of myself as what I am, but what I can be. If I can do that much, then I can be that person.

It's so easy to type that. I wonder if I can actually do it...





Yeah. I can.

I don't believe in fine lines. I don't believe in limits. There is no straw that breaks a camel's back. Everything is gradual. That said, there is a balance that must be maintained. One between recognizing flaws in oneself and hating oneself, between respecting oneself and worshiping oneself, maintaining a unique identity and being pretentious, between friendship and adoration.
Yes, we must love ourselves, but we are not immune to criticism. "It's okay to be different!" We're told as children, and then we grow up trying too hard to be. If I were to believe only myself, I would be the ultimate narcissist. If I were to listen to only myself, I would be the ultimate narcissist.
In the spring of 10th grade, I received my reality check. I realized that I wasn't a genius. I realized that I wasn't some god sent down among the mortals to show the world how lacking in wisdom and profundity it is. We're all works in progress, and to think that we have reached our potential is intellectual arrogance and pretension.
So I try not to brag about being different. I try not to complain about problems that I know everyone else has.
Titles are worthless unless they are earned.

Been a while. Life is still life. But I'm loving life.

Sometimes I brag about my intelligence like it was something I earned. I'm only a teenager; I'm still ignorant. Everyone's born ignorant. Stupidity is a silly thing to hate. It's like cognitive racism.

I've been lazy since school started.