I have my own private rollercoaster.
If someone takes responsibility for everything, and constantly apologizes, isn't that a form of narcissism? I feel that way. I blame myself for so much, but I realize that it's very narcissistic to do that: I made you sad, I bumped into you. It's my fault. I make the world go round. But I don't. I have barely any effect on anyone. The smallest action can send me into a profound depression, but I don't have that power over anyone. Maybe I wish I did. The smallest action just sent me into a profound depression, if you haven't gathered as much by now. I get so easily jealous about someone that doesn't seem to realize that I am so deeply enamored, or at least doesn't care as much as I wish. Maybe. Maybe not. I just know that I'm being ridiculous, but I will indulge my depression. I will indulge it and hide it and suppress it and continue to be in it until I grow the fuck up. Which doesn't seem to be coming soon...